I'm Coming Out

(as someone trying to eat less meat maybe?)

In the last few years, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how much meat I eat and whether I should do anything about it.

Sometimes I’ll eat a plate of beans so tender and velvety that I swear I never need to eat meat again.

Then I’ll remember the taste of a perfectly cooked slice of prime rib on Christmas day and my carnivorous instincts kick back in.

Then I’ll read about how beef is the food product with the biggest impact on climate change and I’ll commit myself to only eating pork, which requires significantly fewer resources and emits far less greenhouse gas.

Then I’ll watch a TikTok about how pigs decorate their styes and I’ll suddenly be wracked with the dilemma of whether or not I can eat an animal that understands interior design.¹

To quote a recent text from a friend, “Sounds like someone can’t commit to an ideology."

And, in truth, I can’t commit. My training as a literary critic has taught me to be skeptical of any and all ideological strictures. Not only do I worry about once again moralizing food after having just escaped the clutches of diet culture, but I worry about what I’ll be missing out on if I cut out beef and pork. I love food, I love to eat. Why close myself off from gustatory pleasure? Isn’t hedonism what being gay is all about?

Yet I’m suddenly finding myself at an inflection point. A pair of books I recently read — Thin Skins by Jenn Shapland and Pig by sam sax — have reminded me of the painful permeability between the human and animal worlds, and the remarkable violence that’s done to others through our consumption (in all senses of the word). I’ve been pressed to consider how much harm I’m comfortable committing, and whether or not I might change how I move through the world to make it a more equitable place.

At times I feel as if engaging in these debates is the ethical equivalent of being submerged in quicksand: the more you move, the deeper you sink. Can I really justify still eating poultry and fish while simultaneously reducing my consumption of beef and pork? Even if I remain skeptical of the impact my individual actions have within an exploitative capitalist system, is it an abdication of my responsibility to just throw up my hands and repeat “there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism”? Does all of this come down to self-righteous posturing, the privilege of worrying about what I’m going to eat and not if I’m going to eat?

I don’t have the answers to these questions, yet. This is the start of a journey for me, one guided by my endless curiosity and lifelong commitment to learning (my best Sagittarian traits). It’s a project steeped in self-reflection: I want to read and digest, chew the contradictions over and ultimately find what I can live with.

That’s where you come in! Send along your books, your articles, your recipes. Leave a comment or reply to this newsletter. If you’ve flirted with eating less meat what was that process like for you? Teach me about plant-based diets from around the globe, alternatives to factory farming, whether farmers markets are a scam or not. Ultimately I want this to be a resource for everyone. We might all learn some ways to eat differently without losing the joy of food.

My Nokja Era

1. We can blame Mark for sending me this video.